Huanted House!
by kikkie
Summary: Basically Dante buys a big house and has everyone live in it! But what he doesn't know was what happened in the house, why it's so cheap and how fucked he has gotten everyone in! Rated M for cursing, bad choices and many other things in the story! Pairings include Dante/Lady, Nero/Kryrie and V/Nico! Virgil and Trish are in here too!
1. What's wrong with V?

**Kikkie**: Because I was dared, and I simply love Devil May Cry, and also because Halloween is literally a day away, I decided to write this! I decided to do a Lemon/comedy horror story. Pairings are Dante/Lady, Nero/Kyrie, and V/Nico.

Basically Dante buys a big house and has everyone live in it! But what he doesn't know was what happened in the house, why it's so cheap and how fucked he has gotten everyone in!

**Rated M for langue, violent scenes, black comedy, questionable moments, possible full or half sex scenes and awkward moments.**

* * *

"Nero! I am gonna kill that Kylo ren-Goth looking MoFo if I hear about that stupid statue!" The young woman shouted at the top of her lungs as she rummages through her things. Throwing various items such as wrenches, nails, demon crystals and even undergarments everywhere as she looks for a certain item.

"Calm down, I am sure you will find it before…V loses what little sense he has." The silver-haired male says as his glasses-wearing friend continues her search.

"He has no sense!" The young woman shouted. "He tried to stick that stupid bird on me! I swear he's watching me with his dark demonic voodoo magic!"

"I'd be more worried about those spells he sings when no one is looking." The silver head male says with a small hint of worry. "I saw three chairs move on their own last night when I was getting water. I am very uneased…"

"Why is that stupid statue so important to him?"

"Because it's the only thing keeping him here. When my dad did his thing, V was about to fade away. But that statue kept him here. If he doesn't have it close it makes him worry." Nero explained. "We need to find that statue! Quick, where was the last place you say it?"

"Uh…" Nico begins to think hard and long. Her memory gives her a picture of the statue and where she placed it. It was by the wheel of the van, and she was doing something. Soon, she hurried into the van and starts up the car. Driving away from the area!

It then accord to her, the statue must have fallen out of the window when she was driving in the city. When she realized that, her eyes become the size of plates as her skin turns pure white.

"I might ave fucked up," Nico tells Nero as she slowly looks over to the van. Just as she was about to have a heart attack that would have probably killed her, Kyrie came walking into the room. No longer wearing her church threads, she now dresses in modern days. Wearing a black mid-cut sweatshirt that said SMOKE-FUCK-REPEAT. A shirt originally owned by Nero! She also wore dark grey yoga tights and white sneakers.

"So I just gave V a shot of Vodka, Rum, Rozerem, prosom, and NyQuil and he's still walking!"

"He drank all that?" Nero chuckled.

"Oh no, I made it into one shot of everything."

"You put all of that in a shot!?" Nero asked in shocked at his girlfriends.

"And he's still walking." She responded, not phased at all of what she had done. Then again, Kyrie wasn't always the innocent type. True she grew up in a religious-church community, possibly-definitely -cult settings with her older brother. But that never change the fact that she was actually evil smart! But if you think hard about it, why someone so innocent as her hook up with Nero?

"Okay…" Nero started. "Let's not drug up the human part of my father who can summon demons! We do not need a repeat of my 18 birthday, nor you with your sweet 16!"

"What happened on your birthday?" Nico asked.

"He got high on LSD and fell down some stairs." Kyrie laughed as Nero blushes ear to ear.

"At least I didn't vape and created a portal to the underworld where demons came out for few seconds and tried to violate everyone!" Nero growled, making Kyrie become silent. "I still have nightmares about your brother being violated and screwing the demons! It was wrong!"

"With all due respect to my late bro, he enjoyed it," Kyrie says. "Anyway, I came down here to tell you that V statue is on eBay."

"EBAY?!"

"It's on eBay, what the fuck is it doing at an open eBay auction!?" Nico shouted as her hand wrap around her head.

"Someone must have found it and saw value in it," Nero tells her before grabbing the mouse from her hand. Clicking on its location, he found people bitting online for it.

"30,000 dollars!? It's only been online for a day!" Nico growled.

"The Divinity Statue, an ancient artifact used to give humans the first wield force of dark magic. Yada, yadda, it can help a person fight off demons and such. Is any of this crap true?" Nero asked.

"If V wants it so badly, then it might be true," Nero says in fear. "We need to find this person and get that dam statue back before V turns us into fish…"

"He can do that?" Nico asked in fear.

"How do you think we got that bear rug here…" Nero says in fear before pointing down towards the bear rug by the car. "That was a birthday gift AND warning when he moved in."

"What was the warning?" Nico asked.

"Don't touch his stuff," Nero says as he shivers in his fear. "We need to find that Statue before he kills us all in our sleep."

"He won't kill Kyrie," Nico tells Nero.

"No, but he will kill me, so find out where this person lives so that I can find them and get that stupid thing back!" Nero growled. Without hesitation, Nico begins her search for the seller's home by hacking into the HTML codes on the page. After five long hours of hacking and searching the web, she finally found the home of the seller.

"145 Ave in lakesvill! Nico shouted. Just as she did, a loud crashing sound was heard behind her and Nero. In haste, Nero makes his way towards the area where the sound had come from. There, he saw V smashing his hairbrush against the kitchen counter before pressing it to his head. Angerly, he tries to brush his hair, only to have it stop and tug at his own hair.

"You okay?" Nero asked, only for V to look up from his anger.

"Get out of here." He tells Nero.

"Okay." Nero in a deadpan like voice before leaving the area. Walking back to Nico, he grabs the van keys, and Kyrie, then heads inside the vehicle. Nico follows, reaching for the door, but stops when she heard it lock.

"Nero?" She asked.

"You stay here and take care of V!" Nero shouted as he starts up the engine.

"Me!? You're leaving me alone with back-street boys version of my chemical romance!?" Nico shouted. Just as the engine started, Nero moves the drive stick into D, driving out the area quick enough not to answer Nico's question.

"YOU MOTHER-DEMON FUCKING ASSHOLE!"

Nico shouted at the top of her lung before looking over her shoulder. She gasps at the sight of two purple bright eyes staring at her from the dark corner of the door. Looking door, she slowly walks towards the closing garage doors in hops of escaping V's presence but was too late when the door fully closed on her. Forcing her to let out a low breath of air before turning around. When she looks back at the door, V was gone, but the laughter of Griffith filled the area.

"Alright, if I am going to die, Imma do it like a bad-ass!"

She growled as she walks over to the door that led back into her home.

(four hours later)

"I can't believe you sold that guy a blood diamond. Won't that attract Demons to his home?" Kyrie asked as Nero opens the garage door by hand. Kyrie was staring at the house as she spoke, trying to see if anything was broken.

"Not necessary! Those things are valuable in the right hands. Besides, as long as he keeps it in holy water, he will be safe...I think." Nero chuckled. Once the doors had open, he instructs Kyrie to drive in as he walks inside. With the statue in hand, he makes his way into the house. As he walks, all he hears is moaning and grunt sounds coming from a room not too far away. Walking, he opens the door to what would...well anyone would consider horrific!

"HARDER! FUCK ME HARD YOU DEMONIC PIECE OF SHIT!"

Nico shouted at the top of her lungs as her small body grips the edge of the dining table. Her body lays flat as her hands grip the edge of the table. Her chest rising up and down as her eyes practically rolled into the back of her head. Her mouth was wide open, allowing large breathes of air to fill in her lungs as drooling seeps down from the side corner of her mouth. The thing on top of her was worse!

A small, thin yet somewhat muscular figure layed on top of her. Black lines covered his figure from neck to knees. Gripping the southern chick neck with full force as he held one leg up. Thrusting his member into her small frame, creating a bump that moved from her stomach to her lower reignes.

Both naked and in their own little world of pleasure and possibly pain. Nero decided it is best to not interrupt the two. Instead, he places the Statue by the stove, then heads over to the fridge, grabs a half-full bottle of gin, and leaves the kitchen. With his head down, he places his full attention on pulling the cork from the bottle. Once freed from the bottle, he throws the cork to the side and begins to drink the heavy liquids as he makes his way back to the garage. Once there, he saw Kyrie putting gas into his tank using a store-bought container.

"How Nico, is V still alive?" Kyrie chuckles as she places the gas tank down. Closing the gas opening with its top, she looks over to Nero drinking Gin. By the looks of it, he was halfway gone.

"Hunni-bunny?" Kyrie asked, only to hear a loud thump coming from the other side of the door. She walks two steps forward but was stopped when she heard some...indecent things.

"FUCK ME HARDER!" Nico shouted. Kyrie's eyes widen.

"ALL THE HEAVENS ABOVE ME! HEAR MY CRY AS I DESCEND INTO THE ETERNAL FLAME OF THE SIN LUST IN HELL!" V shouted from the next room. Kyrie slowly closes the door that leads back into the house with her head shaking in shame.

"We're going to stay at Dante's for a bit." Nero hiccuped.

"Agreed! I'll drive." Kyrie tells her boyfriend before walking over to the van. Nero soon follows.

* * *

Kikkie: Thank you for reading!


	2. Lady and Dante

"I don't know Dante, this house is...a bit big." The raven-haired woman spoke as she looks around the large living room that was covered in dust and spider webs. The room alone was messing up with Lady's allergies, Dante on the other hand, who was checking out all the rooms in a haste, was enjoying the new place.

"I think it's homey!" He tells her as he makes his way towards her. "Reminds me of my house. You know, before it burned down in a large heap of flames."

"Some childhood memories..." Lady mutters. With her back to him, she walks straight into another room, a study from the looks of it, With wooden bookshelves still holding various books and other items. There was a desk in the middle of the room, and behind the desk was a large but broken window. The sun was shining into the room, allowing Lady to see all the vintage beauty before her. Staring straight forward to the desk, she notices various papers that had writing all over them. As if they were notes that never made it out to the sender.

As she stares and thinks, Dante slowly walks into the room. Blending into the limited shadows in the room, he sneaks up behind Lady. Before she notices, the big lug in red snatches her up by the waist, pulling her up, he holds her in his arms twirling her in the air a bit before swinging her over his shoulder. Soon, she found herself being carried into another room. Once that was brightened up and clean. Falling face-first on the bed, Dante climbs on top of her in the next second, placing his weight onto her backside.

"Dante, where are we?" Lady asked as her eyes scanned the beautiful Victorian Vintage design room with old paintings on the wall and a shining chandelier over their heads.

"A place where we're gonna make those babies of ours," Dante whispered into her ear. His slick pink tongue turns pitch black before licking the inner parts of her ear. A smirk appears on Lady's face. Pushing her hips upwards, she grinds her bottom against his front.

"Oh, you're going to fucking me like this?" She asked while pressing her behind harder against his private area, teasing him with her tight ass in her leather shorts. "Going to ram that demon cock in me? Going to fuck me hard and raw as you did in your office? Or maybe that time in the car after you killed that demon? Or maybe just like the time we met, remember that?"

"Best memory." Dante moaned.

"I bet, I can't stop thinking about it." Lady chuckles. "When you dragged me into your office. The second that door closed you smashed your rough-dried lips against mine. Biting my bottom lip with those sharp teeth. refusing to let me go, I was about to shoot you, but I thought I give you a chance."

"Best choice we both made," Dante says with a wink.

I know. I just loved how you ripped my skirt from my legs, smacked my ass hard enough to leave a purple mark, and fucked me hard and raw on the floor of your office. My back was bruised for days, but my pussy refused to let go of the taste of your cock. I am addicted to you."

"Oh, baby..." He moans as the memories begin to fill his mind. Begin to excite the beast in his pants that were poking hard against his zipper. His fingernails begin to turn black as his hands harden. His eye begins to glow a dim orange color, much to Lady's pleasure. She had him right where she wanted him. Turning her body around, she was staring straight at him in his semi-demon form. One he takes when pissed or arousal. Although a bit scary looking, Lady wasn't fearful of the sight. In fact, the mere thought of screwing a demon actually turned her on a bit.

"You want me, demon boy?" She asked as both hands reach down between them to grab the bulge that was poking her. The silver-haired male bites down on his black tongue, trying everything in his power not to scream. Lady, on the other hand, was just getting started. Biting her bottom lips, she closes her eyes before moaning. Wrapping one leg around his waist, she removes her hands from his zipper to wrap around his neck. Pulling him down, she is able to twist and turn their bodies around, allowing her to be on top.

"Better." She moaned as she begins to remove the top parts of her outfit, exposing her breast freely to him. Throwing her clothes to the ground, she begins to grind her hips downward, grinding against his rock hard manhood. Moaning at the small sting of pleasure she got when the hard part of his tip rubbed against clit through her thin layered shorts.

"Less talk, more fuck!" Dante chuckled as his hands grip the sensitive pink skin on her chest. Thrusting his hips forward, he forces her upper body downwards to kiss his lips. Her tongue slithers inside, licking every part of his mouth as she grinds her hips. Pressing her soft breast against his hard chest as both his hands slap right down onto both of her cheeks. When the two separated, a thin line of saliva connected them still by the lips.

"Gonna take off your pants, or shall I do it?" Dante chuckles as he tugs at the edge of her pants. Lady gives him a wink as she rises up. Lifting her leg, Dante watches her interesting as she climbs off the bed and grabs her shit. The silver-haired male stares at her with wide eyes.

"Babe?" He asked, only for Lady to begin to dress herself. Sitting up at this moment, with a hard-on none the less! He stares horrified at his lover fully clothed.

"The house is cute, great for raising a kid or two." Lady chuckles. "But I am not living in this big house with just you in it. Get a few more people inside and I will happily move in."

"Uh...babe..." He spoke as he points to his member. Lady just shrugs her shoulders.

"I am not ovulating yet, so you're on your own Dante." She chuckles before walking out of the room. Dante looks to the side for a bit before leaning back on the bed. The pain his pants were giving him was nothing compared to the frustration he was feeling when he remembered who else would live in the house.

* * *

(A day later)

"I have it! I just bought it and we are all living in it!"

Dante shouted as he walks straight into Nico's garage, holding a large blue paper with white drawings on it. Nico, who was doing something in Nero's van, looks out the window as Nero and V were talking in the corner.

"Nero! Pack your things and Kyries! We're moving to a mansion!" Dante shouted as he walks over to the young silver-haired male.

"I don't like that idea," Nero says while shaking his head. V was just silently chuckling under his breath.

"Shut up, I already bought it!" Dante tells him as he shoves the paper in his face. "Eight rooms, seven bathrooms and a garage, pool, backyard, and a guest house! And guess what, I got us the house for cheap!"

"How cheap?" Nico asked from the car.

"80 grand!" Dante chuckled. All eyes widen at him in shock.

"You had 80 grand?" Nero asked in shock, Dante shakes his head before explaining.

"No, my friend bought it for me after we did her favor," Dante tells his nephew. Nero hands the paper of their new home to V.

"We?" Nero asked.

"Remember that place I asked you to go to and pretend to be a certain someone so that I could get a special thing?" Dante explained.

"Are talking about that cult orgy sex sacrifice party where I pretended to be a high school student so that you could pimp me out to this large man so that I could that girl before she was violated by a demonic golden dildo that was cursed with demon's blood?" Nero said without taking a breath of air. His left eye twitches which every word that came out of his mouth, showing everyone in the garage is self-loathing of that moment.

"Yes," Dante said with a small hint of worry at the tip of his tongue.

"Wait a minute, is that why you scream safe word in the middle of the night sometimes?" Nico chuckled awkwardly.

"I honestly don't want to talk about it." He tells his friend. "How much did you get?"

"For the dildo?" Dante asked. Nico opens the door to the car and jumps out before shouting at them:

"YOU TOOK THAT?!"

"No, for saving the girl you idiots!" Nero shouted. "I didn't dress up like a high schooler and nearly got DPed by a bunch of pedo's for a golden dildo!"

"Yea, the girl is safe, I returned her to her mom," Dante explained. "The dildo, on the other hand, I got 150 thousand from it. Turns out Patty known a lot of sexual predators who wanted that."

"Wait…" V spoke, but Nero stopped him.

"You got 150 grand and I only got 10,000!?" Nero shouted.

"You only asked for 10,000." Dante retorted. V, who was raising his hand in the background.

"Can we talk about the sexual predators and the golden dildo?" V asked again, but he was silenced when Nico flicked a cig in his direction. Forcing him to be silent when Dante and Nero continued their talk.

"You prick! I should have made half!" Nero growled.

"And I am apologizing by allowing you to stay with me in a big old house large enough for you and your fiancé to live in," Dante explained. Nero glare was strong enough to make a cow faint and a demon runs for its life.

"I'll let you have the biggest room…" Dante continued. V was waving paper in front of them, trying to gain their attention, but the uncle and Nephew connection didn't make break their silent talk, instead…then nodded their heads.

"Biggest room?" Nero asked.

"With the biggest bathroom and wide view window," Dante explained. Nero nods his head before walking towards the exit of the garage, Dante soon follows, leaving Nero and V alone in the area. Once their voices had disappeared, both V and Nico looked at each other.

"So…I assume you will have your house all by yourself now?" V asked as he twirls his cane.

"The whole house, you're moving in with them too?" Nico asked in shock.

"Well, I go where Nero goes. And right now, I must be on my way to pack." V tells her before throwing the paper to the ground. The large blue paper frolics down at Nico's feet. Allowing the country demon mechanic to look down at the notes and construction details of the new house Dante had just bough.

Not only was it large, being three floors high, but also looked like a dark spooky mansion you would find in a horror movie. Or a place that Nero would have to save a child from before a demonic sex orgy sacrifice were to happen. Either way, Nico did not like the idea of Nero, Kyrie, and V living someplace she wouldn't have eyes on. Plus, living with the ultimate Demon hunter that used her family prized work!? It would be ashamed not to join! So, without hesitation, she grabbed that paper and rushed out of the garage in search of Dante.

* * *

**Kikkie:** I will NEVER hook Dante up with Trish! That's a copy of his mom in a way, that's just nasty!

Also, **Lady was 18 in DMC 3**! I don't know if that's true, to be honest. But I am just saying, you cannot be that badass and be 15 years old in that kind of game. No way, the creator isn't stupid...I hope not! Anyway! So, what has been said in this story, know that Lady was 18 at the time. I don't know Dante's real age, but I am going to say he was in the middle of his 20's. Lat's say 23 or 25, I am going to leave it there!

Thank you for reading, I am glad to have something out for Halloween. Please be safe out there and have fun!


End file.
